Get Some Young: The Ben Jones Wedding

When you look at David Addison there's a certain lunacy in those eyes that you'll never understand. Indeed, as I sit here looking at him all nicotine stained and pasty on our sofa, death-rattling his way through the day in want of some smack, I consider the arguments he's given to justify his conduct at the Ben Jones wedding (which took place last weekend, and was wonderful to behold- providing you ignored the heroin addicted maniac crashing through the rooms, demanding a speech and spitting on bridesmaids.)

A conversation I had with him the following day went as follows:

David: 'I just don't understand why other people weren't getting drunk and fucking stuff up with me. Who the fuck goes to a wedding and doesn't fuck stuff up? Those people weren't Normal.'

Me: 'It was the wedding day of one of your oldest friends and you threw a burning candle at someone's head and swam naked in the picturesque stream.'

David: 'I didn't swim. That fucking water was only two inches deep.'

That sums up David's sense of shame. I should also point out that he is one of the most determined people I’ve ever met, and no amount of forcible ejection would see him removed from that wedding. When he finally did leave, at some point in the night, he made damn sure it was on his terms and with a pocketful of nice cutlery.

On a less David orientated note; my preoccupation with the scummy bastards that inhabit my life have resulted in me not having one decent picture of Mr Jones and his wife. Well that, and the fact that my 'short-cut' through Newbury to the venue resulted in me and Ben missing the entire ceremony.

Regrettably the quality of some of these photographs is also pretty shit, not merely because I was shitfaced, but also because I opted to use a point-and-shoot Canon Sureshot which I've had since I was 10 years old and has literally never taken a photograph I'd consider good, alas... I must have these photographs because i'm not sure when i'll ever see David harrassing a baby again.